What Is Our Capacity For Love?
I spent the weekend thinking about self-compassion and I was thinking about the relationship with loving-kindness for myself versus loving-kindness for others. Do they go hand-in hand? Can you be better at one than the other? So I did a little digging and found this article How to Recognize Your Capacity to Love, and I learned that we are often kinder to others and even ourselves than we recognize! And, the more we recognize this capacity, the more it will grow and eventually become a state of mind to which we return. In fact, we are especially likely to ignore or miss our kind, generous or loving moments when we are depressed or in self-criticism mode.
So the challenge…..for just one day, count the number of times you feel compassion, empathy, love or kindness for another being (plant, animal, human or even yourself). And then, there is an invitation to practice loving-kindness……
To begin this practice, let yourself be in a relaxed and comfortable position.
Bring to mind someone who makes you feel happy the moment you think of them—a relative, a close friend, someone with whom you don’t have too complicated a relationship. You can pick a child, or you can always choose a pet, a dog or a cat or any creature that is fairly easy to feel love for. Let this person (or animal) come to mind—if you can, have a sense of this person being in front of you, to be felt, or sensed, or seen.
As you imagine this, notice how you are feeling inside. Maybe you feel bodily warmth, some heat in your face, or a smile, or a sense of expansiveness. This is loving-kindness, a natural feeling that is accessible to anyone at any moment.
While imagining your loved one in front of you, begin to wish this person well: May you be safe and protected from danger. May you be happy and peaceful. May you be healthy and strong. May you have ease and well-being…
You can use my words or your own words to say what feels meaningful to you. As you say these words, have a sense of letting this loving-kindness come from you and begin to touch your loved one. You might think in images, you might have a sense of color or light, you might just have a feeling. The words may continue to bring on more of this feeling, and I encourage you to say whatever feels meaningful to you…May you be free from stress and anxiety. May you be free from all fear.
As you are sending out these words and these feelings of loving-kindness, also check into yourself and see how you’re feeling inside.
Now imagine that your loved one turns around and begins to send loving-kindness back to you. Try to receive this loving-kindness as your loved one wishes you well and says: May you be happy. May you be peaceful and at ease. May you be safe and protected from all danger. May you have joy and well-being. Let yourself take it in. If you felt nothing earlier in the meditation and are still not feeling anything at this point, that is not a problem. This is a practice that plants seeds.
And if you are feeling something other than loving-kindness, just check into that. What is it you are feeling? There may be something to learn here. You can say, May I hold this too (whatever you’re feeling) with loving-kindness.
Now try to send loving-kindness to yourself. You can imagine it radiating throughout your body from your heart. Or you can just have a sense of it: May I be safe and protected from danger. May I be healthy and strong. May I be happy and peaceful. May I accept myself just as I am. You can ask yourself: What do I need to be happy? See what arises and offer that to yourself. May I have meaningful work. May I have a joyful life. May I have close friends and family…Now check into yourself and notice what you feel as you do this.
Let yourself bring to mind one person or a group of people to whom you wish to send loving-kindness. Imagine them in front of you—sense them, see them, feel them…May you be happy and peaceful. May you be free from all stress and anxiety, fear, worry, or grief. May you have joy and happiness, well-being.
Let this loving-kindness expand, spreading out and touching anyone you want to touch right now. Let it go in all directions, toward people you know, toward people you don’t know, toward people you have difficulty with, toward people you love. Imagine expansive and pervasive loving-kindness, touching and changing every person and every animal…May everyone everywhere be happy and peaceful and at ease. May we all experience great joy
You can also check out the article link for a recorded version of the practice.
Now go love on yourself!
